Hey Mamas! I hope everyone is having a fabulous fall and gearing up for family time and holiday festivities with the littles! As we explore the subject of Mommyhood and Family Life, one much-needed topic that I wanted to share with you guys is the subject of parenting and perfection. Brace yourselves because things are about to get real, open, and honest asf. (I’m just saying!)
Moment of Honesty:When I first found out that I was becoming a Mom I had all of these great, but subsequent unrealistic expectations about motherhood and parenting. I had these big dreams that even though I was giving birth to my first and only child, I was going to be this perfect Mom and the ideal model parent. I thought that every meal that I made for my baby was always going to be this thought-out organic dish prepared for with the baby bullet that I received from my baby shower. I just knew that I was going to breastfeed my son until he at least turned two. I had these big plans on reading him books each and every night and carving out at least an hour each night to work on learning activities and comprehension. I thought that I envisioned myself always knowing exactly what to do and never needing any help when my son got sick because I was a MOM and even though I was still naïve and so new at this, I was somehow going to gain these superhero powers where I was going to become perfect in everything that I did. I thought that I was going to be this modelesque Mom dressed like a Barbie and always glamorously on point at all times because after all, mommy-hood was never going to take away from who I was as an individual. Oh I had to be a living and breathing example of a Haute Mama or (Milf) as some would like to call it. I thought that I was always going to be present at every parent meeting, always the first one in the door for every children’s event, and always a part of every activity possible because after all I was going to have more than 24 hours in a day to manage all of these thing because that’s just what Moms do, they find a way to always make the impossible work anyway. This is how I depicted Mommy-hood before I actually became a Mom and found out how this whole mommy thing really works.
Expectation vs. Reality:I am literally sitting here 4 years since Noah’s birth and thinking to myself, “Wow! I had no clue about Motherhood or what my experience was really going to be like!” Ladies, let’s just keep this honest. I don’t care what anyone tells you or what they claim to be, there is NO such thing as the perfect Mother! On so many occasions we are always striving to be these humans that we are just not cut out to be. We’re only human and we’re bound to make mistakes. The key thing is learning from our mistakes and having the resilience and never-ending faith to keep getting back up. Motherhood doesn’t make us perfect and we seriously need to stop pretending that that’s what we are. It is perfectly normal and ok to be imperfect. In fact, I encourage every single one of you Moms reading this blog to really address your flaws and accept the fact that you have them because our flaws are designed to build strength and character. Without our flaws and mistakes there would never be room for growth and opportunity to learn. Our flaws and mistake are what help us to become better while offering a testimony to others.
Opening Up about My Flawed Journey as a Mom: Although I am extremely grateful to be a Mom, I’m happy to finally accept the fact that I am not perfect and that it’s ok to fall short sometimes. Being a mother doesn’t make us perfect or give us the superpower to be something that quite frankly we’re just not designed to be. Instead, it gives us the responsibility to give it our very best and the gift to love someone else selflessly and with all of our hearts. When I tell you guys how much anxiety and stress that I finally got rid of the day that I decided to stop pretending to be perfect. I used to admire all of these seemingly flawless Moms on Instagram and I wanted to be them so bad. I wanted my body to look just like theirs (you know, the post baby body that literally snapped back the same day they gave birth). I wanted my family photos to look perfect and showcase this perfect image of what family life in my household looked like even though it was far from it in reality. I wanted to look like I was heading towards marriage and about to be someone’s wife and not just a mom who had a child out of wedlock, even though my son’s father and I were always on the rocks and not even close to getting married. I wanted to appear that I had all of the answers and had it all figured out because I somehow thought that I was designed to be this perfect Mom for my baby. Today, I am so proud to say that I am just simply me! Some days, I am up bright and early at 5:30am and arriving to work 15 minutes early like a responsible adult who is punctual and has it all together. And some days I am hitting the snooze button on my phone at least three times before I finally make it out of bed because I stayed up all night with a crying child who just wouldn’t rest and as a result, I’m late for work and running into the office to start my work day. I am proud to say that sometimes I do leave the house in sweats, old workout shoes, and a messy just got out of bed bun because I don’t have time to primp, and press and get all glammed out just to grab diapers from target or make a quick run to the grocery store. I am proud to say that even though I probably should, I don’t read my son a book each and every night because I’m balancing being a mother to a special needs child, having a full-time job, owning two businesses and still trying to set aside a little personal time for me. I am proud to say that I don’t have the time to attend every single childrens event and take Noah to every single birthday party because instead, I am learning the art of saying “No” sometimes and not confusing being busy with being productive. I have finally learned the art of prioritizing what’s important and what’s not and that has ultimately helped me find balance in my life.
Instead of striving for constant perfection, I am living a life that works best for me and my son’s needs. Instead of trying to be this great example and set the bar so high for other moms, I am working on just being my authentic self and admitting that I too make mistakes sometimes and that just like you guys, I’m trying to figure out mommy-hood too and what that really looks like! At the end of the day, our duty and responsibility to our children is to give parenthood our very best. I am more than proud to say that I am giving motherhood my very best and focusing on being present in my son’s life as a loving mother who is always willing to make sacrifices for him and lead him by example, rather than striving for unrealistic perfection and unauthenticity. After four years, I can finally admit that I will never be the perfect mom, but I will always be the best mom for Noah! And I encourage you Mamas to do the same. Don’t focus on perfection and navigating through mommy-hood without trial, error, and occasional flaw. Strive to be loving parents and make sure that your children know how much that you love them. At the end, this is what really counts and what your children will remember about you and the role that you had in their lives! Our kids are not expecting for us to be perfect, but they are expecting for us to love them unconditionally and ultimately be their biggest supporters.